Several years ago, a colleague gave me what turned out to be very enlightening feedback on how I deal with others.
“Jim,” he said, “you need to recognize people for who they are, not for what you want them to be.”
Hmm. I had to soak that one in, to tell you the truth. It was meant to be constructive criticism, but I wasn’t sure how to take it.
Related: Simon Sinek: Effective Leadership Is a Learned Skill, Just Like Any Other
“I know,” I said as I nodded along in agreement, although not really knowing what I was exactly agreeing to. I was a bit confused.
But he got me thinking, and analyzing, and marinating.
It turns out that I was nodding along because it was true — I do tend to look at people for what I want them to be. I want them to be excellent, and I want them to excel, and I want them to contribute to the team beyond anyone’s expectations.
I want them to be more than they thought they were capable of, and I want them to push the team forward.
I’m not sure that the comment was meant to be a compliment, but I have to ask, “Is there something wrong with that?”
Maybe.
Perhaps it’s better to recognize people for who they are. Perhaps it’s better to have a full understanding of their skill sets and a proper sense of what they are able to contribute. In that manner, so my colleague coached me, you don’t set up people for failure or push them beyond their capabilities. Perhaps it’s better to keep them in their “swim lanes,” as he continued with his feedback to me.
