Please help me. I have one sibling, my sister, who has been my closest friend for most of my life. She is two years older than me and newly divorced, with no children. I am married and have one child, my daughter, who means all the world to me and more. We also have always had a very close relationship, but my daughter is 12 and just barely at the age when she ceases to believe her mother walks on water … if you get my drift. She doesn’t hate me, but she does look for any reason to say I’m being “unfair” with rules or to push my buttons. Unfortunately, her aunt (my sister) only seems to egg her on.
At some point, when my daughter was maybe 6 or 7, it started feeling like my sister and daughter were ganging up on me. They’d giggle together when I dropped something in the kitchen or tease me when I misspoke by accident—little stuff like that. But the teasing started to get more vicious, and my daughter started initiating it after a while. My husband and I were completely shocked, because this behavior was completely at odds with everything we have tried to teach her over her entire life! I started noticing it got worse when she came back from staying with my sister, which happens at least once every couple weeks. Sometimes we were able to sit her down and ask her about it, and she would realize why her comments were rude and disrespectful. But it’s gotten more and more difficult to have those conversations with her.
Meanwhile, my sister has gotten worse about staying in touch and being there for my parents. She’s still one of my best friends, but I am very suspicious of her behavior with my daughter and her lack of communication. All she seems to contact me for these days is asking to see my daughter, and my daughter is just as enthusiastic about spending time with her. I’ve been sympathetic and accommodating, especially since my sister’s divorce. I know she is lonely and has always wanted a child of her own. Plus, I know it can be important for kids to develop relationships with adults in the family—even if it means there’s a “fun aunt” and I am resigned to being the maternal rule enforcer.
