If you have a dream daughter-in-law, you could be forgiven for feeling in the minority, given some of the stories we read on the Gransnet forums. One thing’s for sure, if you’re lucky enough to have a lovely DIL, do all you can to keep it that way! Daughter-in-law issues may be in abundance, but they are by no means an inevitable part of being a mother-in-law.
And let’s not forget sons-in-law can be equally tricky! But there’s definitely something about the relationship between two women from different families that can occasionally cause difficulties. So, whether it’s your son, or daughter,
bringing home a new woman into your lives, how can you ensure that you get along? How can you build (or rebuild) a positive relationship with her? And how can you avoid or deal with any daughter-in-law problems? Here are six ways to connect with your child’s partner, plus tips on how you can mend a relationship that’s turned sour.
1. Treat her as you would a daughter
Whether or not your daughter-in-law is the person that you envisioned for your child, it is important to remember that your child makes their own decisions. Try to welcome her into the family, try to get to know her on a personal level, be interested in who she is and her family background, and, above all, be respectful. She’s her own person, not just an add-on to your own son or daughter so show her that you want a relationship with HER.
Be open-minded when you meet her for the first time
If you’re meeting a prospective daughter-in-law, someone that your child may be very serious about, her first impression of you will be just as important as your first impression of her. The key is to be open-minded and disregard any initial judgements that you may have, to ensure you get off on the right foot. The likelihood of this running smoothly and without any forced effort on your part will,
of course, also depend on the kind of person she is and whether or not she is equally willing to get to know you. However, and this is key, remember you likely have a wealth of experience over her and YOU are the grown-up in the room, so try to set an example and gloss over any initial awkwardness. If she feels a bit stand-offish at first, remember she could simply be shy, reserved, or just holding back a bit. Meeting the in-laws is nerve-wracking don’t forget.
And, like spiders, she’s probably more scared of you than you are of her. There’s no pressure though on a first meeting. Just try to put her at ease and stay relaxed yourself. If feelings between her and your son or daughter do eventually prove to be mutual, then be sure to approach the possibility of spending some quality time with her. Let your child be your guide though. There’s nothing more off-putting than a prospective mother-in-law demanding you go on a ‘girly weekend away’ when you’re still trying to remember her first name.
