My wife is suddenly becoming more protective of her electronics. She has a passcode on her phone, which she’s never had before, and is constantly moving the screen closer to her chest when I enter a room. She’s even taking her personal computer with her to work, or leaving it in the car. My mind goes straight to cheating, but am I overreacting?”
Of course there are other explanations as to why she’s recently become more secretive. Maybe she’s planning a surprise party in Aruba for you. Maybe she’s advising a friend on a highly sensitive medical situation. Or maybe she’s just upping her privacy in general. (A passcode is always a good idea, people!) But I agree fully: When you notice your spouse is suddenly treating their phone like a CIA case file, it’s easy to jump to conclusions.
So many relationship problems can be solved by appropriate communication. But instead, it’s tempting to avoid confrontation. So, here’s my quick list of dos and don’ts.
What Not to Do
First and foremost, don’t snoop until you’re dead sure your partner is cheating and you need black-and-white evidence to substantiate your accusation. Often, one partner will snoop based on limited evidence and regret it. After all, even if she did cheat, you can’t confront her with admitting how you got the information—and two wrongs don’t make a right, even if yours is less severe. On the flip side, if she didn’t cheat, you end up looking like a crazy person.
Secondly, do not internalize the maybe-cheating and begin to overanalyze everything she does from here on out. (“Oh my God, she just bought new underwear…that must mean cheating.”) It’s simply not fair to your relationship and will, quite frankly, make you go insane. My advice? Confront this right away by going straight to the source.
