The big day has finally arrived and at last your children are grown up, independent and have all married. You find yourself at a stage in life which you always knew you were preparing for, but never quite believed could come so soon.
Common Concerns
Many parents have conflicting feelings when their child marries. On one hand, they are happy that their child has found someone to love and who loves them too; that their children will have a chance to build a home and a family and to experience the joys of parenthood for themselves. Yet, on the other hand, there are a myriad of worries and concerns. Will my child find happiness in this marriage? Will our relationships with our new in-laws be positive? Will the young couple’s differences cause trouble? Will their marriage last? How will they raise their children? Will I see much of my child anymore? How much of a role will I and should I have in their new life together?
Somewhere in the middle of all these concerns, there will also be the question of “And now what will I do with all my time? Where do I fit in and am I still important to anyone anymore?”
What Can You Do to Adjust?
These are all valid concerns and natural ones too. But just as your children need to move forward and plan for their future, you too need to adjust and find your place in life again. Focus on the positives of this change. Raising a child to adulthood and seeing your child achieve independence and find a life partner are all wonderful achievements and mean that you have fulfilled your role as a parent.
Accept Your Child’s Choice
When your children marry, it is their first public and legal separation from you. From this point on, they and their spouse will jointly make decisions that they feel will be the best for the family which they will build together.
Your children may make choices in their life partner, religion, lifestyles, children and values which you may not always agree with. But you need to recognise that your children have the right to live their lives independently. The best way for you to show your love for them, is to accept their choices and be there to support them if they need your help along the way.
Get to Know Your In-Laws
Once your child marries, you will be part of a much larger family. You will welcome a new daughter or son-in-law, their parents and their siblings into your family. Even if they seem different from you, make an effort to get to know them and to find some common ground with them. If you are able to do so, you will be making your child’s transition to married life easier by reducing the stress which he or she will experience as the 2 families unite together.
