I’ve conducted a lot of research regarding women’s friendships and the ways that people can most effectively maintain healthy connections over the long term. In a recent study, however, we explored what women, from 18 to 75, need from the men in their lives. Not surprisingly, the qualities women seek in heterosexual romantic partners, male friends, and men in general, are not all that different from what they seek in a friend. This makes sense: Any good relationship is built on some basic, down-to-earth qualities.
Specific to Romantic Partners
Women don’t need partners who invest all their energy in trying to prove how strong, manly, masculine, macho, or heroic they are. They just want men who are willing to meet them where they are and treat them fairly and equitably — and are able to make sure that the romantic spark keeps burning.
There’s no reliable assessment that can predict whether someone is going to be a good match for you or not; no dating-site algorithm can accurately predict the human heart. Even when a potential partner brings all of the following qualities to a relationship, that’s no guarantee that the two of you will have good “chemistry”
or meet up at the right time for each of you to enter a new relationship. However, recognizing what we know that we need from the important people in our lives increases our “relationship quotient” so that we can at least be aware of areas worthy of enrichment prior to establishing a new romantic connection.
The traits that women tend to value and need most from the men in their lives can be categorized in three discrete areas: moral integrity (from all men); relational sensitivity (from friends and partners); and satisfying intimacy (from romantic partners).
