No parent is prepared for a child’s death. Parents are simply not supposed to outlive their children. It is important to remember that how long your child lived does not determine the size of your loss. The loss of a child is profound at every age.
- Parents of young children are intimately involved in their daily lives. Death changes every aspect of family life, often leaving an enormous emptiness.
- The death of an older child or adolescent is difficult because children at this age are beginning to reach their potential and become independent individuals.
- When an adult child dies, you lose not only a child but often a close friend, a link to grandchildren, and an irreplaceable source of emotional and practical support.
You may find that you also grieve for the hopes and dreams you had for your child, the potential that will never be realized, and the experiences you will never share. If you lost your only child, you may also feel that you have lost your identity as a parent and perhaps the possibility of grandchildren. The pain of these losses will always be a part of you. Yet with time, most parents find a way forward and begin to experience happiness and meaning in life once again.
Common grief reactions
Grief reactions after the death of a child are similar to those after other losses. But, they are often more intense and last longer. You may experience the following grief reactions:
- Intense shock, confusion, disbelief, and denial, even if your child’s death was expected
- Overwhelming sadness and despair, such that facing daily tasks or even getting out of bed can seem impossible
- Extreme guilt or a feeling that you have failed as your child’s protector and could have done something differently
- Intense anger and feelings of bitterness and unfairness at a life left unfulfilled
- Fear or dread of being alone and overprotecting your surviving children
- Resentment toward parents with healthy children
- Feeling that life has no meaning and wishing to be released from the pain or to join your child
- Questioning or losing faith or spiritual beliefs
- Dreaming about your child or feeling your child’s presence nearby
- Intense loneliness and isolation, even when around other people, and feeling that no one can truly understand how you feel
