Let me start by saying I’m sorry. I know I said I don’t like taking your relationship advice, so why should you take mine? Well, you don’t have to. But the advice that follows is based completely on real mistakes I made and lessons I learned. Plus, these are practical life tips — no fluff here, folks. So take it from me (if you choose) and don’t make me say, “I told you so”.
1. Don’t get into a relationship with someone who isn’t in good working order. (And be in good working order yourself.)
I’m borrowing the phrase “good working order” from my life and sex and love guru, Dan Savage. I’ve read Dan for YEARS, and he often states that people need to be in good working order before they can be in a healthy relationship.
If you or the person you’re dating have unresolved or unmanaged issues — be it mental health problems, drug problems, financial problems, lack of boundaries or self-control, or anything else that would impose an undue burden on the person on the other side of the relationship — don’t do it. Don’t get into that relationship.
Even though I had read this advice from Dan over and over, there was a long time where I found myself ignoring it. I told myself, “I just want to help”
.And it’s easy to fall into that role for someone we care about, that role of helping, providing, enabling. It’s easy to want to take care of someone we love. The problem, though, is when you do this too much. When you do this more than you should. When you care about fixing the problem more than the other person does.
