The line—that one between being a parent and a friend—is often blurred these days especially as kids age. For years, parents were told that being an authoritative parent was the way to go, but with emergence of different parenting styles like yes parenting, attachment parenting, and free-range parenting, that line between being a parent and a friend is becoming less and less clear. So, what is the right answer? Should you be friends with your child?
Most experts agree that while parents can and should be friendly toward their kids as well as fun to hang out with, at the end of the day they still need to accept the role as parent and not as friend.
Kids need boundaries, rules, and guidance. A best friend is not going to tell them when they should go to bed, make sure they get their immunizations, or advise them on drinking, consent, and —those are roles of a parent and they need you in that role.
Risks of Being Your Child’s Friend
Many parents think that if they are friends with their child that parenting will be easier—that their child will do what they want because they are friends. But in reality, trying to be your child’s friend is confusing for a child. Boundaries and rules make kids feel safe, but if you are trying to be your child’s friend it’s likely you aren’t giving them many rules or guidelines and this can create issues.1
Loss of Authority
What’s more, when parents lose their authority because they are now on the same level as their child, kids can become anxious and unsettled. They need reassurance from you that you love them, you are in control, and you will protect them. Trying to be a friend strips away that picture of you as protector and guardian and eliminates one of the most important support networks in their life.
Plus, giving up the authority, wisdom, and experience that comes with being a parent in order to be liked by your kids makes it difficult to raise healthy and competent kids that can handle frustration and disappointment.
