What do you think is the most common question I get as a marriage and family therapist and professor of family studies? The answer: “What can I do to help so and so start (or stop) doing ?” The main point of this article is to answer that question in a way that will be helpful to all your relationships, but particularly your marriage. Also, this article is a bit longer than usual, so if you are short on time we’ve abbreviated the article in a video here. You can always come back for more if you need to.
Since I started teaching and doing therapy, I’ve received feedback that the Relationship Needs Circle is one of the most useful insights for students and clients. These ideas have changed the way I look at annoying behavior in my children, my spouse, my friends, strangers, and myself. Although I may present them in a way you haven’t seen before, the ideas I will share are not new and have foundations in both theory and research. Along with this article, I’ve also created a video that describes the Relationship Needs Circle in a meaningful way. I hope the visuals will make these ideas easy to understand. Before I jump into the Relationship Needs Circle, let me provide a little context.
Bad Behavior in Relationships is Annoying But Normal
In every marriage, there will be times when bad behavior surfaces. Unfortunately, bad relationship behavior is a staple in many marriages. At some point in the marriage, typically early on, bad relationship behavior begins to surface and often becomes the source of a lot of conflict. These behaviors often contribute to a decline in our loving feelings (check out our article about what to do if you fall out of love). Bad relationship behavior is different from other annoying behaviors; such as not doing the dishes or putting on the toilet paper roll the wrong way. While any annoying behavior can cause a little headache in a marriage (ask my wife about my bad dish habit), bad relationship behaviors are much more damaging.
