The greatest desire of the human heart is to be loved and accepted. The greatest need of human existence is to belong, connect with another, and know that we are of inestimable value. This is why our greatest joys and most bitter disappointments involve relationships. We’ll get to belonging in a minute.
Why is there so much posing, pretending, and politicking in organizations? Why do we work so hard to match up to people’s expectations, often trying to be someone we aren’t? Often, we try to match up out of fear. We are afraid to put our real selves “out there” for fear of rejection. That is, “If this team knew the real me, warts, insecurities, and all, they wouldn’t hire me, embrace me, give me an opportunity, or promote me.” You get the point.
Yet it remains, we have a deep-seated longing to be known and then, to be loved and accepted as we are. We want to know that the people we work with are for us. That they see worth in who we are and value in what we do. We want to know that we are worthy of belonging to the team.
Closely tied to this longing is the freedom to be yourself without inhibitions. When you know that you are loved and accepted for who you are, you’re free to do your best work. You are braver, more creative, relaxed, and have more fun. You think bigger and act bolder. You trust yourself to take the initiative versus being an order taker and a “yes” person. You make things happen versus making excuses because you know you will be forgiven if you make a mistake, and you will still be accepted.
What CEO doesn’t want more of that in her people?
Our friend, Herb Kelleher, the late founder of Southwest Airlines, said, “I’d rather have a company bound by love than driven by fear.” Herb nailed it. People act differently when they feel loved, don’t they? Power forces us to change, but only love can move and inspire us to change.
