About children fighting
Fighting among children happens when disagreements become aggressive – for example, when they get physical or involve shouting, nasty remarks or name-calling. Children are still learning to control their emotions, so strong disagreements and fights aren’t unusual.
Sibling fights: when to step in
Sometimes it works to stand back from a disagreement, because this gives children the chance to sort it out for themselves.
But when a disagreement becomes a fight, you need to break it up before someone gets hurt. Children are still learning how to react to their emotions, so it can be hard for them to step away without adult help.
Breaking up sibling fights: steps
Here’s what to do when a fight breaks out:
- Stop the fight before the crying starts. This might require physically separating your children or sending them to opposite sides of the room to settle down.
- Keep your cool. This might sound impossible, but the idea is not to make things worse. Try to save your energy for when things are calmer and you can give positive feedback on behaviour that you want to encourage.
- Tell children you’ll talk about it later. Children are often too upset to take in what you’re saying at first. Wait until things cool down before you talk about the issue. This could even be the next day with older children.
- Apply fair consequences for fighting to all children, if your family uses consequences. For example, if your children are fighting over a toy, make sure neither child gets the toy after a fight.
