Relationships go through seasons, and sometimes the winter is so frigid it may not feel like there’s a spring warming in sight. Sometimes reconnecting is a matter of trudging through ongoing minor distractions; other times it requires back-breaking snow shoveling to sort through life’s more trying stressors.
“Here’s the thing; it’s not the distraction or stressor itself that leads a couple to falter. It’s how the couple copes with them,” says Alexandra H. Solomon, a licensed clinical psychologist at The Family Institute at Northwestern University and author of “Loving Bravely”. “Maladaptive coping strategies tend to come in two varieties: fight or flight. The ‘fighters’ cope with stress by becoming irritable, critical and impatient, while ‘flighters’ cope with stress by becoming withdrawn, silent or passive-aggressive.”
Instead of defaulting to these coping strategies when times get tough — which leads to disengagement — vow to re-commit to each other and nurture positivity instead. How, you ask? You can start by incorporating the following phrases into conversations with your partner. They will help keep you tuned into each other emotionally, open the lines of communication and navigate conflict in a productive way.
“Tell me more”
The words “tell me more” rank right up there with “I love you,” argues Linda Carroll, a licensed marriage and family therapist and author of the upcoming book “Loveskills”. This phrase is all about remaining curious about your partner while also being engaged with the things they’re telling you, whether it’s trivial workday drama or a serious dilemma.
