People feel good about themselves and proud of their contributions when they get positive feedback. It can help them feel capable, motivated and valued. It can also boost the person’s confidence and help them develop a meaningful bond with others. Expressing respect and appreciation is important to maintaining positive relationships.
If we feel appreciated we’re more likely to give positive feedback in return. We can develop this kind of supportive communication skill with practice. Below are examples of how respect and appreciation can be communicated effectively, including less effective approaches to highlight the differences.
Situation:
You were held up by traffic and arrived late for a lunch date with a friend. They ordered their meal before you got there.
Less effective communication
You sit down and launch into conversation without addressing your lateness.
More effective communication
When you’re seated, apologize to your friend for being late and for wasting their precious time. Tell them you were held up and it’s not a reflection on how much you enjoy spending time with them. You may also want to briefly explain why you were late.
For example, “I’m sorry I was late. I was caught up in traffic. Next time, I’ll give myself more time and I’ll order something that will come quickly.”
Situation:
You’re sharing ideas with your mother about a costume for your teenager’s Halloween dance at school. She makes a suggestion you know your daughter will love.
Less effective communication
When your daughter gets home from school you share the idea, along with some of your own, without acknowledging your mother’s contribution.
More effective communication
Give credit to the individual who earned it, even if it’s only indirectly related to, or a small part of, the overall idea. This type of appreciation can lead to respect for you in the long run because it shows you value input from others.
For example, “Your grandma thought you might like to dress as ___ for your dance. I thought it was a good idea because ___. What do you think?”
