Ideas and expectations regarding gender roles have changed quite a bit in the past 50 years. However, the patterns that have influenced human behavior for centuries are still potent, especially when members of older generations are involved.
Some of those old patterns involve relationships between mothers and their adult sons. As men get married and have children of their own, their relationship with their mothers must evolve to reflect the new roles of each person: the sons as husbands and fathers, and the mothers as in-laws and grandmothers.
These relationship changes sometimes involve tension as a mother learns to accept and respect the role that her son’s spouse plays in his life, especially if the mother and her son are especially close.
It can be tricky to navigate these new waters gracefully, but by setting appropriate boundaries and communicating with understanding and compassion, the mother-son relationship can be strengthened and even see growth in this new phase of life.
Son and Husband
A solid relationship with a mother is a good portent for a happy married life. Women are often credited with fostering emotional intelligence in their children, and research shows that couples with greater emotional intelligence are likely to have a higher degree of marital satisfaction and fewer conflicts.1
Although a mother’s good influence on her son may be recognized by his partner, the partner may also be a little jealous of the mother-in-law’s continuing role in her son’s life. For the mother’s part, if she feels displaced from her role as the primary person in her son’s life, tension with the son’s partner is more or less inevitable.
The new obligations that a man assumes when he marries will take up some of the time and energy that he may previously have devoted to his mother. Even if his mom lives across the country, her son may still find himself with less time to catch up with her by phone or online.
