Relationships can be wonderful buffers against stress, but relationship conflicts can also cause considerable emotional pain and stress. Knowing how to apologize—and when—can repair damage in a relationship, but if you don’t know how to apologize sincerely, you can actually make things worse.
A sincere and effective apology is one that communicates genuine empathy, remorse, and regret as well as a promise to learn from your mistakes. In other words, you need to really believe you did something wrong and feel sorry for the hurt you caused. Here are some easy steps to help you learn how to apologize sincerely and effectively.
Recognize the Reasons to Apologize
When you’ve made a mistake or hurt another person, there are many good reasons to apologize. By apologizing, you are able to:
- Acknowledge that you were wrong
- Discuss what is allowed and not allowed in your relationship
- Express your regret and remorse
- Learn from your mistakes and find new ways of dealing with difficult situations
- Open up a line of communication with the other person
A sincere apology can also bring relief, particularly if you have guilt over your actions. An apology alone doesn’t erase the hurt or make it OK, but it does establish that you know your actions or words were wrong and that you will strive harder in the future to prevent it from happening again.
Not apologizing when you are wrong can be damaging to your personal and professional relationships. It can also lead to rumination, anger, resentment, and hostility that may only grow over time.
Know When to Apologize
Knowing when to apologize is as important as knowing how to apologize. Generally speaking, if you suspect that something you did—on purpose or by accident—caused someone else hard feelings, it’s a good idea to apologize and clear the air.
If what you did would have bothered you if it was done to you, an apology is in order. If you’re not sure, an apology no only offers you the chance to “own” mistakes you made, but re-establish what you think was OK. If you feel the other person is being unreasonable, a discussion may be in order. You can decide where you stand on the apology after that.
