Shakyamuni (also known as Siddhartha Gautama) said, “Do not return anger with anger; instead, control your emotions. That is what is meant by diligence.”
As you may have painfully discovered, anger can be detrimental to relationships. An angry partner’s negative attitude and behaviors can drain your energy, leave you feeling frustrated and unheard, and undermine not only your well-being but the health of the partnership. However, if you are able to deal skillfully with an angry partner, your relationship may transform dramatically. Here are some effective strategies for dealing with an angry partner.
1. DE-ESCALATE AND NEUTRALIZE EMOTIONALITY
When you try to control an angry partner, they may become defensive and more uncooperative. It is unwise to get angry in response to a partner’s anger; better to let the other person be angry and recognize they will eventually calm down. The calmer you remain, the quicker their anger may subside.
In this way, you de-escalate the situation. The ultimate goal of de-escalation is to lessen emotional intensity and redirect animosity toward increased cooperation.
2. BE ASSERTIVE AND RESPECTFUL
Acting assertively is the process of taking a position in which you are able to express your wants directly and respectfully while considering your partner’s feelings and wants as well. When you act and speak in an assertively respectful manner, you are confident, honest, and open. At the same time, by being assertive, you empower your partner to take their share of responsibility.
